worth the wait

My "birthday present" from my parents - a note-by-note keyboard Billy Joel book - arrived in the mail today. (My birthday was months ago, but that's a whole other story, right Mom?) :-)

In it, there were a couple of songs I hadn't heard before. Presumably they were all hits at some point, but let's face it, I was pretty little when most of his stuff was REALLY big. At any rate, this is the song that nearly brought me to tears while I was playing & singing it through for the first time... It's been a while since a song did that to me, so I had to share it.

And as I played through it on the piano for about the 10th time tonight, I thought two things mainly - how beautiful it is to open ourselves up to the risk of loving someone (as per the lyrics), and that I think I "do music" in my life because it opens me up - to new ideas, new melodies, new richness. Incidentally, the guest speaker at the high school grad I attended today spoke of music's power - so a little "synchronicity" happening for me today, I suppose.

At any rate, two things I want to be grateful for tonight - among many others. 1) For Billy Joel for doing what he does so well. 2) For my parents, and the generations of family before them, for sharing the gift of music...

90

My maternal grandmother turned 90 on Friday. We had family home from BC, Alberta, Ontario and all over southern Manitoba to celebrate. It was chaotic with 48 people in one house, but it was also great fun! And my grandma continues to amaze me. After raising 6 kids during a time when maternity leave from her job as a nurse was NOT a year per baby, she has continued to stay active and spry enough to thoroughly enjoy her 20ish grandkids (and their significant others) and 10 great-grandkids.

I stood back a few minutes after the cake cutting and just watched the busy-ness of the place as my cousins and aunts started dishing up cake and ice cream. I thought about how lucky we are, to have so many people to support us.

How lucky we are, to have no one in the family who's gotten into any significant trouble, like drugs or teen pregnancy (that we know of!)....

How lucky we are, that every grandchild has at LEAST a high school education (except for the youngest who's still working on hers!)

How lucky we are that the vast majority of us have been able to go on to post-secondary and finish at least one degree.

How lucky we are to have so many people to call family who really get what family is about, and who love to just spend time together. One memory that someone mentioned on Friday at our gathering was of the day that most of our extended family went rafting down the Assiniboine river one summer about 20 years ago. We had lawn chairs and snacks on the make-shift rafts (plywood over empty oil drums if I recall), and a couple of canoes and inner tubes for those that were tired of the rafts. I think it's my all-time favorite memory of our family because it's such a significant image of us just being together, laughing and having a great time in the process!

And then I thought that all of that stuff is learned. Passed down through generations. And we are so blessed to have a grandmother who's still with it enough to continue to teach us about patience, love, wisdom and laughter.

Happy birthday, Grandma - we all love you!!

PS - welcome to the world, Gabriel Arthur!

birthday fun

My birthday is coming up this week. I'll be 31. Last year, I threw a big birthday party for myself and invited friends and family from all over to join me. It was fun, and I felt very loved just by the number of people that drove distances in awful weather. But I also was reminded that I am an introvert at heart, and prefer to be in smaller groups where I can feel like I really connected with people.

This year was the exact opposite of last year. Friday night I went out with a great friend, for dinner, shopping, and a movie. We had great fun - especially since most of our connecting recently has been in a work context.

Then Saturday I headed out to my parents' place, where I think I had officially my smallest birthday party yet. I blew out the candles with just my mom and my dad present. Since we were celebrating early, my mom hadn't had time to get my gift yet, so there weren't any gifts to open. And still, I couldn't have felt more special.

I don't remember many occasions in my childhood (ie, before I left home) that I got quality time with both my parents and no one else. My mom went to the trouble of baking a cake even though she couldn't eat it. My dad and I got to talk guitar (the lessons are going well enough that I was excited to show him what I've learned) and we all watched a few hilarious youtube videos... And we have photographic evidence of me crying from laughing so hard. Something about blowing out the candles - I don't remember what - got us all laughing so hard I couldn't stop.

Thanks, Mom and Dad, for a great evening... It felt good to come home.

Their little princess

Recently, my parents decided it was time to sell the bed and dresser that have been in my room for the last 20 or 25 years. I'm alright with the idea in my head, but a little sad in my heart. I'm much more okay now that it turns out I know and love the little girl that will get to use this furniture next. But it's got me reminiscing about how very excited I was to have that room all for myself.

Prior to being in that room, I had been sharing bunkbeds with one of my brothers (maybe each of them at different stages? It's early enough in my life that my memories are a bit foggy.) When it came time to get *my* room ready, my parents asked me what colour I wanted it to be. Purple was my favorite colour at the time, so clearly, the only logical response was PURPLE! My parents, in their wisdom, chose a cheery, lighter mauve colour, with accents of purple throughout the room.

They also did some pretty cool things with a *very* small space, including:
-a window seat/storage bench that was the envy of all my female friends and cousins
-a homework desk and shelves built into a tiny corner
-a closet that was built out over the stairs so as not to take up any more space IN the room for storage
-cork over the door to the crawlspace, so I had my own little bulletin board
-a dresser scarf, with tatted trim and embroidery,lovingly created by my mom
-a homemade bedspread to match the trim on the homemade curtains and the homemade curtains.
-re-used string art (from an old (4-H?) project of my mom's - we (my mom and I) recovered it with purple fabric, and used leftover yarn from the afghan my grandma made to match the room. That in itself was pretty cool - being invited to help create the space that was going to be mine.

In short, it was very "matchy-matchy!" :-) It was also a haven for me throughout my childhood and teenage years. It was rarely clean. In fact there was sometimes no floor space to walk on for all the clothes strewn about, and sometimes it was hard to tell what colour the walls were behind the posters (horses, Kirk Cameron, and the cast of 90210 come to mind ... LOL!) But it was all mine. And the thought and creativity that went in to making it "just for me" was just another example of how hard my parents worked to let me know that I was significant, that my opinions mattered, and that I deserved my own space.

Even now, after I've been living away from home for over 12 years, my mom checked with me to make sure I was okay with selling the furniture. It's clearly *their* house, but that will always be "Allison's room" ... and there's still a little ceramic nameplate on the door, with stickers all over it, to prove it. :-)

Thanks Mom and Dad, for the thought and hard work that went in to creating a space for your "little princess." I'm excited to see how M likes her new "big girl bed" and dresser! :-)

For this, I give thanks

In case you just tuned in to this blog, I have been VERY delinquent in posting regularly. Here's the thing: I started this blog to record things that amuse me or inspire me, to share them with others, and to refer to them later when I need a pick-me-up. Well. Good. Only problem is, I am easily amused, and often inspired. And there's no way I'd have time to blog about it all! So here (in no particular order)are some things that have amused and/or inspired me in the past weeks and months:

1) Relationship Matters - A two day lecture by Dr. Gordon Neufeld about developmental psychology, attachment theory, and how we can harness the power of relationships as educators, parents, spouses, etc. He inspired AND amused. After 2 days of sitting in church pews listening and taking notes, I was up for a couple more days of his food-for-my-soul.

2) Democracy in action. I went to a standing-room-only all-candidates forum today in preparation for the election. The inspiring bits were: the variety in our candidates (age, race, gender, etc), the number of people who got up to ask questions, and the fact that the turnout was so good.

3) Friends. Way back in August, I attended a friend's daughter's fourth birthday party, with grandparents and immediate family only. To be included in the family like that was a very precious thing. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I am so, SO blessed to have the friends and the family that I have.

4) Thanksgiving. It may be my favorite holiday. I try to have a grateful attitude year round, but this time of year, with the beautiful fall colours around, and the brisk days requiring hot cups of tea/hot chocolate/coffee and cozy blankets, reminds me how lucky I am to have the luxury of spending time just being still. (On weekends, you understand; Work is way too crazy for that right now!) This year will be extra special because aside from going to Edmonton to visit the bf (having already celebrated thxgvg with my immediate family last weekend), my younger brother will be driving up to join us for part of the weekend. It will be the first time the three of us have spent quality time together just us, and I'll be cooking my first turkey!

5) Our students. Wow, this year has a unique feel to it at our learning centre. We are physically very nearly full every day, and yet the space is often nearly silent because everyone is so focused. I am so inspired by all these individuals that overcome a hundred barriers just to get there, and then still manage to focus on school work and hand lots of stuff in (a sure sign of progress!)

6) Facing my apprehensions (not fears exactly, but still requiring courage.) I am embarking on an adventure that will require every ounce of creativity I can muster. I am (thankfully) supported by a friend on this project, but I am nervous because it is something I have always wanted to do, and I really want it to turn out perfect, even though I know I'll never be 100% satisfied with it. Still, I was inspired by a student of mine, who, upon hearing that it was something I'd always dreamed of doing, challenged me with, "so what's stopping you?" Coming from someone who's had far more obstacles in her life, I had to take that to heart. And within a couple of days, the ball was rolling. What it came down to was realizing that I'd rather do it imperfectly than not do it at all ... (and I'll eventually reveal the project when I have a better idea what it's going to look like... still in preliminary planning stages!) :-) Carpe diem, right?

That's it for now. There's way more, but it's late, and I do Wednesdays much better on a good night's sleep! :-)

looong overdue

Father's Day came and went a while back, and as with mother's day (only moreso), I am *very* tardy in my recognition of that fact. My dad did get the usual visit, small gift & card, with the appropriate sentiments, and I should say before I go further that I don't do that stuff out of obligation, but out of appreciation. (Hence the not really caring about the specific date of fathers day).

Dad, I think I basically said it all in the card, but for those of you who don't know my dad, here's what's so darn great about him.

1) He's patient. Not to say he never gets angry, but when he finally gets exasperated, it's warranted. ;-)
2) He's musical. Mom is too, but it was Dad that was up there on that stage at all those local talent shows playing guitar so I could sing my little heart out.
3) I'm trying to find the word here... rock solid? steady? grounded? There is just something about his presence in my life that makes me calmer and I think somewhat more grounded myself than I might otherwise be.
4) He's respectful. Perhaps the most significant thing he taught me, without even saying it directly, was that I deserve respect. Again, mom taught me that too, but I think it has a different effect coming from a significant male role model...
5) He is probably the hardest working man I know. And another significant lesson I learned from him was to follow my heart - when I was in high school, he quit his job of 20+ years, and decided to farm full time & run his own business on his terms. I'm sure that wasn't a simple decision to make, but I'm also quite certain it was the right one for him, and I know we all benefitted from a much more relaxed dad that first harvest!
6) He lives his faith. His actions are grounded in his values. I have learned a lot about integrity from my dad.
7) He's a very handy guy to have around.... Installing light fixtures, doing garage renovations, installing flooring... Much like my wish that I had paid more attention in the kitchen with my mom, I wish I had followed my dad around doing those tasks a bit more too!

I could go on and on, but I'm sure even this much has managed to embarrass him... Sorry dad, but I think the whole world should know that my dad really *IS* the greatest dad ever. ;-)

Mom(s)

So Mother's day, in case you missed it, was last week. And I have been fully intending to post about my mom since then, but it's been *slightly* busy, and besides, I went and visited my mom that day, and I know that between that and the sappy card I gave her, she really doesn't need this post. But I do.

First, let me give a shout out to all the women who have had mothering influences in my life - my grandmas, my aunties, Diane G, Carol B, Leona N, Shauna H, Leanne D, Cathy C, Marge A, and Myrna W. I carry with me a sense of having a super-huge extended family everywhere I go because of these ladies, and I love you all for different reasons!

But on to my mom. She's, quite simply, the best. Part of the reason it's taken me so long to post this, is that I wanted to get my lists complete. I finally realized they never will be, so here's the partial list:

Things I plan to do for my kids, just like my mom did (and does)for me:
1) Unconditional love, of course...and hugs in abundance.
2) Demonstrate affection towards their dad, in front of them.
3) Chats (serious or otherwise) at the kitchen table over a cup of tea.
4) Stand back and let my kids learn from their own mistakes and choices.
5) Make a point of family meals together as a chance to connect with each other.
6) Call regularly to chat/update even when there's nothing new.
7) Stay involved in my community, and provide leadership and vision. I'm only just beginning to realize what a profound impact that has had on my life.
8) Show my own mom the love and respect that she deserves.

Reasons I know my mom loves me:
1) A couple of times in my university days, she sent me little cards in the mail that were expressly so I'd get something that wasn't a bill. (I still have one of those notes tucked away somewhere.)
2) She calls at least once a week, but knows if I don't call, it's likely because things are pretty good with me.
3) Every time I've changed addresses, the blessed woman has cleaned the old place (including vacuuming cat hair) and helped me clean the new place too, while the rest of us have loaded boxes. She also came over last summer to help paint, and install my new flooring.
4) She keeps track of all my friends, their spouses, and their kids (or tries to - and does very well!)
5) She stayed home with us when we were kids, until we were all in school, and then worked just a few days a week outside of the home. This meant a lot of sacrifices on her part (and my dad's), but it meant the world to us.
6) I know she will come and look after me any time, if things are bad, and I just ask.
7) She worries about me (and my brothers)... a lot. But never in an overbearing way. :-)
8) She never complains, no matter how many pairs of pants I bring home to have shortened...but she does try to teach me how to do it myself. :-)

Classic Mom Moments:
(some of these moments happen all the time, and some are one-time-only things that I remember her saying)
1) "Every child needs to have somebody that's crazy about them."
2) "I trust you until I have a reason not to... then... LOOK OUT."
3) "It's your decision.... but you know what I think." ;-)
4) "You know, a solid relationship needs to be based on more than just having a lot in common."
5) "You can marry whoever you want, wherever you want, whenever you want. I won't interfere. As long as I have a front row seat."
6) "Have fun, behave yourself, and sweetie... Drive carefully."

So there it is, just a partial list of the reasons my mom really is the best. I am so SO blessed. Happy belated mothers day everyone!!

On siblings

Recent events have had me thinking a lot about my family, and about what it means to be a family. (Warning... I am about to bare my soul here....) I just need to say, for the record, that I love my brothers. Both of them. Fiercely.

We may fight and disagree from time to time, and we may all have different personalities that make it difficult to connect sometimes, and it's true that I get along better (and keep in better touch with) one than with the other. But the truth is that even when I get spitting mad at my "big brother," it's almost always about wanting him to accept me just as I am, and approve of the person I've become. And I think he does, deep down. It's also true that my "little brother" consistently rolls his eyes when I try to express stuff like this, but I also believe that he feels the same way, deep down.

My brothers are both hardworking, intelligent, decent, caring (in their own way ;-) ), stable guys who both have a great sense of humour. Maybe it's the gene pool (LOL), and I like to think I've "sistered" them well (I read an article in Chatelaine about that once and loved that term to describe how boys without sisters are different than boys with sisters). Most certainly our parents had much to do with how we turned out. But we siblings have also each shaped the other in many ways. And both brothers are incredible gifts in my life in very different ways.

As the one statement in that last video I posted pointed out, our siblings are the people most likely to be a part of our lives from start to finish... And my brothers have always been there when I needed them. As I will always be there for them. Because that's what family is. And I like to think I come from a family that is exceptional at being a family.

Don't worry Mom, you and Dad will get your own separate posts. Just not tonight. It's past my bedtime, you know. ;-)

Advice for Life

I was in my car for a total of about 5 minutes today, and managed to catch this on the radio. I'd forgotten about it since it first came out about 10 years ago, but it's so good, I didn't want to forget about it again. So I'm posting it here for future reference when I need some really sage advice about what's really important in life. And now I'll just let it speak for itself. Enjoy.

Every Minute

I spend a lot of my spare time a) on the phone with my mom or my boyfriend, b) online with my brother or my boyfriend, c) "facebooking" with a variety of friends and relatives, and d) actually having face-to-face contact with friends & family near and far. Needless to say, these relationships are very important to me. I often lament the fact that I am some distance away from many of these significant people, but I also really value the ones that live close by. This week I went for drinks with a couple of friends from work one night, and I was reminded again how lucky I am to be surrounded by such warm, caring, and fun people, who allow me to be entirely me.

Tonight I was playing piano and came across a piece by Sara Groves that I hadn't played in quite a while. It nearly moved me to tears (yet again), and I wanted to post the lyrics here to say thanks to the people I love for loving me back. :-)

Every Minute (Sara Groves)
I am long in staying; I am slow to leave
Especially when it comes to you, my friend.
You have taught me to slow down and to prop up my feet.
It's the fine art of being who I am.
And I can't figure out why you want me around;
I'm not the smartest person I have ever met.
But somehow that doesn't matter.
No, it never really mattered to you at all.

And at the risk of wearing out my welcome,
at the risk of self-discovery,
I'll take every moment and every minute that you'll give me.

And I can think of a time when families all lived together,
four generations in one house,
and the table was full of good food and friends and neighbours;
that's not how we like it now.
'Cause if you sit at home you're a loser;
couldn't you find anything better to do?
Well, no I couldn't think of one thing
I would rather waste my time on than sitting here with you.

And at the risk of wearing out my welcome,
at the risk of self-discovery,
I'll take every moment and every minute that you'll give me.

And I wish all the people I love the most could gather in one place
and know each other and love each other well,
And I wish we could all go camping and lay beneath the stars
when there's nothing to do and stories to tell.
We'd sit around the campfire and we'd make each other laugh,
remembering when.
You're the first one I'm inviting; always know that you're invited, my friend.

And at the risk of wearing out my welcome,
at the risk of self-discovery,
I'll take every moment and every minute that you'll give me.
I'll take every moment and every minute that you'll give me.

Genuine Genius

Ben Folds is my latest hero. I read somewhere that he describes his music as, "punk rock for sissies," so I guess I'm a sissy. This guy can do anything when you put a piano in front of him - including making me cry with his perfect lyrics, and the amazing images he has in his videos. This guy should be a lot more famous than he his. Check it out...